Dr Ahmed shuffled the papers on the desk in front of him. It was the Colonel’s desk but the Colonel wasn’t speaking.
‘Apparently there is no permanent damage,’ Dr Ahmed was saying, ‘but he is in quite a lot of pain.’
‘Oh dear,’ said I.
‘We are very disappointed in you Dr Nick,’ said Dr Ahmed. ‘The Colonel is particularly angry with you and has no wish to speak with you at this moment.’
‘Oh dear,’ I repeated.
‘I particularly asked that you avoided confronting this man,’ said Dr Ahmed. ‘I told you that we were dealing with this matter.’
‘But surely you don’t believe that I would purposely go about burning another man’s testicles?’ I said. There came a strangled gasp from the Colonel who was sitting at the coffee table.
‘Dr Nick, I wish you would call them his private parts,’ said Dr Ahmed severely.
‘Ah not testicles?’ I said. ‘Private parts.’
Dr Ahmed winced at my bold language. ‘If you please Dr Nick.’
‘Righto,’ I said. ‘As I was saying you surely don’t believe that I would purposefully go about burning another man’s penis?’ I said and the Colonel found a sudden need to go and gaze out of the window at the car park.
‘Dr Nick!’
‘Sorry, I’m a scientist you see, I have been educated to use the correct scientific terms,’ I said. ‘Dr Ahmed, I understand that you questioned the other staff present about the incident…did any of them indicate this was anything other than an accident?’
‘You are well aware that they wouldn’t say anything against you,’ snapped Dr Ahmed. He shuffled the papers again. ‘This is an incident that could result in you losing your job here Dr Nick.’
‘No,’ said the Colonel from the window, the first word he had spoken. Dr Ahmed paused for a second then tried to regain his momentum:
‘Well, anyway, we will certainly have to get rid of the microwave as a safety measure,’ said Dr Ahmed and I could see even to him this seemed a pathetic response. He tried to rally, ‘I only hope you will take responsibility to the inconvenience you have put other people to.’
‘You mean when he tries to pee?’
‘Dr Nick! You are fully aware I am talking about the rest of the staff,’ he said very stroppily. ‘I don’t think there is anything more to be gained from continuing this conversation.’
‘Okay.’ I stood up, ‘Thank you Colonel, thankyou Dr Ahmed.’ I went to the door opened it then closed it behind me. Then I counted ten seconds and opened it again and stuck my head back inside.
‘Dr Ahmed?’
‘What now, Dr Nick?’
‘I just thought you should know it wasn’t all a total dead loss.’
‘It wasn’t?’
‘No…I managed to save at least half of my coffee,’ I said cheerily. ‘It was quite delicious.’
As I walked away down the corridor I could hear the gales of laughter from the Colonel and I could swear I could even hear Dr Ahmed joining in.
Funny thing, they never did get round to removing that microwave.
