Daniel, Gerzergerblad and The Incidences & Arnold, The World’s Greatest Swordtoad

Mrs Thruttle turned back to them. ‘Everything’s off but sausage sandwiches and cream buns,’ she snorted.

‘Fine, I’ll have two sausage sandwiches with gollups of tomato sauce then,’ Gerzergerblad said. Mrs Thruttle took the lid off a serving tray, twelve sausages were standing on end doing a square dance. They froze when the light hit them. She grabbed six, encased them in great thick slices of bread, and slapped them down on the counter in front of Gerzergerblad. The sandwiches heaved up and down, shrill yips of protest came from the sausages, resentful at having their dance interrupted, so Mrs Thruttle bashed the sandwiches flat with a hand the size of a coffee table until they quietened down.

‘Same for you?’ Mrs Thruttle said to Daniel.

‘Cor…er, no thanks, I’ll have a cream bun,’ said Daniel, horrified.

Mrs Thruttle sniffed and plonked down a cream bun. Daniel regarded it suspiciously but it looked like just an ordinary, everyday, cream bun.

They went and sat at the next table to the toad who was obviously feeling so sorry for himself that he was crying large tears that ran down his fat cheeks and plopped into his beer. Daniel had always thought of cats as fastidious eaters, but Gerzergerblad wasn’t. He sat back in his chair, a sandwich in each hand, taking alternate bites…tomato sauce squirted between his fingers at each bite and Daniel had to keep ducking it.

Daniel picked up his cream bun and was about to bite into it when it suddenly gave him the most charming smile.

‘Hi,’ said the cream bun. ‘I’m Chester.’

‘What is this?’ demanded Daniel dropping the bun back on the table.

‘Ouch,’ said Chester.

‘It’s alive,’ Daniel protested.

‘Of course it’s not alive,’ Gerzergerblad sighed. ‘Cream buns aren’t alive.’

‘I can’t eat something that talks to me,’ Daniel said definitely. But the next second the problem was solved for him because the toad’s bottom jaw dropped open with a clang and nine feet of sticky tongue shot out with a sticky, squelching noise. It whistled past Daniel’s nose, wrapped itself firmly around the cream bun and shot back again.

‘Well, how rude,’ said Chester, then with a clang, Chester was lost from view. The toad closed its eyes and swallowed, a blissful expression on his face.

‘I’ll get you another one,’ Gerzergerblad offered.

‘Wow! Er, no, don’t bother,’ said Daniel hastily. ‘I can’t think why, but I rather seem to have lost my appetite.’